Feverish Dreams
by Kit Kat Kidd 2004
Summary: This is probably my most angst story ever. When I re-read it I started crying. You have to read it. Oh, and Review. I love getting e-mail.


Feverish Dreams  
  
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HEY ARNOLD!  
  
"Oh, beloved. Why must it be I hide my true feelings for you?" Helga G. Pataki questioned her golden locket in the shape of a heart. Her daily ritual in the mid morning during recess included throwing a spitball at Arnold, calling him football head, tripping him, and then hiding behind the school's dumpsters to recite her latest poem to a picture of him in her golden locket. If you didn't know any better you'd swear she despised him and that was exactly what she wanted people to think. However, she didn't hate him. She loved him and it was quite obvious if you happened to notice in class where after she threw something at him she would stare dreamily at him. "Oh my sweet football head, why can't you see how much I love you, how much I dream? My dear sweet Arnold, from you I'll never stray. Someday I'll tell you, my love, but it won't be today. Oh my darling Arnold, I wish I could be true. Oh, Arnold, I love you, love you, love you!"  
  
"Helga?" Arnold's voice came from behind the dumpster. Helga shrieked and quickly stood up, hiding the locket in her dress.  
  
"Arnold! I-I mean, hey there, Football Head!" She quickly spat out in her most innocent tone although you could clearly see her trembling. Arnold walked over to her and squinted at her. "What are you looking at, Arnoldo?" He sighed and turned away to face his back to her. She heaved a relieved sigh.  
  
"What are you doing back here?" He asked gently. Helga mentally slapped herself and put her hands on her hips.  
  
"What? I need a reason to be sitting next to the dumpsters? I mean it's not like I'm hiding out here from anyone in particular. I just happen to like being here and sitting by myself." She hit herself mentally again. (How could anyone possibly be any stupider? Now he's most definitely going to figure out I love him.) She thought to himself. "It's not like I'm hiding from you." She could have kicked herself right then and there. (Why don't I think before I speak?)  
  
"Okay, Helga." Arnold answered. Helga's eyes grew wide in shock at how dense he could be. She shrugged off her thoughts. She hated him for how he never got the fact she adored him and she loved him for every other thing he stood for. Arnold turned and smiled at her. "I'll be seeing you." He whispered. Helga groaned softly and grabbed his arm.  
  
"Arnold, wait." She answered softly. He turned to face her. "I-I have something to tell you." Arnold's face softened.  
  
"I heard." He said. Helga's face snapped up to look into his ice green eyes. "I already know how you feel about me." He repeated and grabbed her shoulders. "I just want to know why you would tell me after all you've ever done to me. It always seems like you hated me and frankly, Helga, I can't like you like you if I think you hated me for the past six years." Helga's eyes dropped and for the first time in six years, she cried. Tears flowed freely from her eyes and she broke away. Nothing could be compared to her heart breaking. She hated him now more than ever. She hated him more now than when he had temporally blinded her, when he accidentally hit her in the head with a baseball, when he suggested they take the subway to get home, and when he played with her emotions at Rhonda's masquerade party. Her heart welled up with more tears and she ran. She ran from her fears, from the boy she loved, from the torture, torment and pain. She hated her life. The hope that Arnold would someday love her back was the only thing keeping her alive. She hated everyone.  
  
"Hey, Helga, y'all can't leave da school. It's against da rules." Stinky said in his deep southern drawl as she ran past him. She couldn't bare it. She stopped and slapped him hard against his cheek.  
  
"Back off, Stinko!" She cried out. All heads in the playground turned towards her and she ran off into the streets. Overhead clouds began to pour in and rain started to fall. Luckily for the students of PS: 118, the recess bell rang and all the kids piled into the school, except for two kids: Helga, who had left the school grounds, and Arnold, who was watching Helga run off. He knew he had hurt her badly and he was feeling sorry for it.  
  
Thunder clapped high in the sky and lightning struck a tree near her. She grunted as she was thrown into the ground near the park. She shook her head, sat up, and ran towards Dr. Bliss's office. She ran inside, soaked from the rain. Her heart pounded in her head. Dr. Bliss's office was a good five miles from the school and she had run the entire way, not bothering to dry her tears. She held onto the doorknob for support and politely knocked. "Yes?" A sweet voice asked from behind the door. Helga swallowed hard and stepped inside the gentle office.  
  
"Dr. Bliss, could I speak with you?" She asked. (Steady, Helga, old girl. You can do this. Dr. Bliss knows all about you and him. She can help you out with this.)  
  
"Certainly, Helga, but first answer me this. Why aren't you in school? Last I heard summer vacation isn't for another two weeks." Helga hung her head. Dr. Bliss nodded and pulled up a chair next to the couch, which Helga flopped down on and began to sob into a pillow.  
  
"He knows." She whispered softly.  
  
Dr. Bliss nodded again and put her hand gently on Helga's back. She pulled it back, shocked at how cold the girl was. She quickly got up and grabbed a towel from a closet. She pulled Helga to a sitting position and wrapped the towel around the girl. Helga sniffed softly and wrapped the towel closer to her chest. She felt the cold, hard metal touch her hand through her pink dress. She narrowed her eyes and pulled it out by the chain and threw it across the room, scoring a basket in the trashcan. Dr. Bliss watched as she glared at the trashcan. "Stupid thing. I never want to see it again!" She sobbed and shook her head. "I never want to see him again." Dr. Bliss smiled softly and put her hand on Helga's shoulder.  
  
"Helga, I want you to go back to school. You could get in a lot of trouble if you don't. If things don't get better by the end of the day I want you to come back tomorrow and talk to me about it, okay? For now, I'll give you a ride back to class." Helga smiled softly and nodded, dropping her head so Dr. Bliss wouldn't see her tears hit the tiled floor.  
  
Helga sighed as the school bell rang for lunch. Principal Wartz narrowed his eyes at the girl as she walked up towards the school. "Ms. Pataki, I'm terribly disappointed in you. Skipping school is a major offence. I'm afraid I'll have to give you detention. Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Helga dropped her head and walked towards the cafeteria.  
  
"Isn't that Helga?" Lila asked Rhonda as they watched a defeated Helga loosely grasp her lunch tray and head to a table in the far corner. She didn't even give Arnold a passing glance as she walked by his table. Rhonda snickered evilly.  
  
"Guess Arnold got the best of her. She told him she loved him and he said he could never like her like her because she was always so mean to him. It's actually rather sad, but she deserved every word he said to her. He's a really sweet boy and she's probably the nastiest girl in school. Arnold deserves someone nice, like you, Lila. He doesn't deserve someone awful like her." Helga glanced over at Rhonda and then lowered her head defeated. She knew what Rhonda was saying.  
  
"Did ya hear?" Harold said to Stinky and Sid. "Helga's so called heart got trampled on by Arnold. He totally trashed her." Helga stared at Harold and turned away. This was what she was afraid of all the time. It wasn't the fact she was scared of Arnold's response, although it did really hurt her. She was afraid of her classmates and how they would treat her now that they knew she had a soft side.  
  
"They never would have made a decent couple anyway. I always thought she'd go off with someone like Brainy or something." Helga heard Park telling Joey and Robert. She couldn't take it anymore. She picked up her books and ran into the hallways. She hated everything and everyone in that school. She watched as tears fell down from her eyes and hit the tiled floors.  
  
"Helga." She heard Arnold's voice calling her name. She sighed and ran into the girls' bathroom, the one place she knew he would never follow her. Finally the bell rang signaling for lunch to be over. She waited for a few minutes and then dashed past Arnold into her classroom.  
  
"Okay, class, if I may direct your attention to the project instead of Helga and Arnold…" Mr. Simmons tapped his desk impatiently with the ruler. The noise seemed to calm down and finally Mr. Simmons was able to regain his class. "Okay, for this project you will be partnered up in boy- girl pairs and you will have to get as much information on that person as you possibly can. This includes outings together, meals at each other's houses, and one campout. I've already informed your parents and they all say it would be fine if you all camp out. Okay, listen for your partners. Eugene and Sheena." Eugene and Sheena glanced at each other and smiled bashfully. "Harold and Rhonda." Harold and Rhonda grunted at each other. Stinky and Sid hid chuckles behind their hands. "Okay, Sid and Alexis." Sid smiled at the new girl who had just joined their class two weeks ago. She had jet-black hair that reached past her hips and deep chocolate brown eyes. She smiled gently at Sid and blushed. "Stinky and Gloria." Stinky smiled at his girlfriend and she smiled back. "Peapod Kid and Nadine." The two looked at each other and blushed. "Brainy and Lila." Lila smiled at Brainy and he wheezed back towards her. "Curly and Danielle." Curly winked at the other new girl who had long blond hair and sapphire blue eyes. "Gerald and Phoebe." The two smiled at each other and exchanged knowing glances. Helga's eyes glanced around the room and saw everyone had gotten paired off except her and Arnold. She groaned softly and turned away. "Helga and…"  
  
"I know, I know. Arnold." She said weakly. Arnold looked at her and then turned away. He couldn't face her just like she couldn't face him. The whole thing about her loving him had already hit the school and he was trying to avoid her as much as possible now that she hated him. She felt the rage build up in her chest as the entire class burst into a huge uproar of laughter.  
  
"Ooh, looks like the two love-birds are partnered up." Harold mocked. Helga turned around and glared at him.  
  
"Harold, that's enough now." Mr. Simmons warned and turned back to the math lecture.  
  
Later that evening, Helga found herself on Arnold's stoop, knocking at his door. She sighed as he opened the door and politely invited her in. "Might as well get this over with." Arnold stated plainly as he led Helga up to his room. She nodded and followed him. Her hand slowly traveled up the oak banister, knowing it would be the last time she would ever get to be in his house. She still loved him. He opened the door to his bedroom and allowed her to walk in. She sighed and sat at his desk, opening a binder. "Okay, Helga, let's get this done." She nodded. "When were you born?"  
  
"March 28th, 1992." Helga answered plainly.  
  
"Where were you born?"  
  
"In the Hillwood City Hospital."  
  
"What are your hobbies?"  
  
"Writing poetry and going to wrestling matches."  
  
"What's your favorite animal?"  
  
"Uh, probably my monitor lizard."  
  
"What schools have you gone to?"  
  
"Hillwood Preschool and PS: 118. Doy, Arnold. We've been in the same class for six years now." Arnold chuckled softly and slid closer to Helga. She gasped as he took her hand in his.  
  
"Why do you love me?" He asked, his green eyes staring deeply into her blue ones. For the first time in her entire life, she didn't know what to say. She couldn't think or breathe. Finally she lowered her eyes and cleared her throat.  
  
"How could I not? You're always so nice to everyone. You're charming, sensitive, and…oh, Arnold, why did it have to be you?" She asked. Arnold smiled softly and lifted her chin. She stared deeply into his eyes and for the first time ever, saw something she had never in her life seen before. "Arnold?" She whispered softly. He chuckled and brought his lips upon hers.  
  
He slowly pulled away from the kiss and smiled at her. "I, uh, have something to tell you, Helga." He said gently. Helga smiled as he kissed her again. "I love you." He whispered after pulling away from their second kiss. She gasped and her eyes widened.  
  
"What?" She asked.  
  
"I love you." He said again, this time louder.  
  
She smiled and hugged him tightly. Suddenly she jumped at the sound of her cell phone ringing in the overture of Carmen. She sighed and picked up the phone. "Hello?" She asked. "Oh, hey, Mom. What? What do you mean he's in the hospital? What happened?" Her voice became frantic as the voice on the other side of the phone explained the bad news. "Okay, keep me posted." She said as a tear rolled down her cheek. Helga hung up the phone and sighed, leaning her head in her arms. Arnold cocked an eye at her. "Dad's in the hospital. Mom said he had a heart attack and they'll be in the hospital overnight to keep an eye on him. She says I should find a place to stay the night." Arnold frowned. "Guess I'll have to stay over at Phoebe's." She sighed and flipped her cell phone on and quickly dialed Phoebe's number. After a few minutes she turned it off. "She's not home. Probably out with Gerald."  
  
Arnold perked up. "Why not stay here?" He asked. Helga smiled and blushed. "We could get the campout done tonight. How does that sound?"  
  
"Sounds great." She said. Arnold smiled at her and went to his closet, grabbing two sleeping bags and a tent.  
  
"Cool. We could sleep out in the greenhouse again. It was sort of fun the last time." Helga nodded and ran home to get her things while Arnold set up the camping supplies in the greenhouse.  
  
Helga groaned as she woke up, finding herself in Arnold's bedroom. The sky was dark and rain was pounding against the windowpanes above her head. Thunder clapped against the sky and lit up millions of pairs of beady little red eyes. Helga gasped as she realized what those eyes belonged to. She screamed out as a second clap of thunder erupted and lightning smashed the panes, causing the glass to shatter and spill all over the room. The rats hissed and began to drop from the panes onto Arnold's bed. She screamed again as a huge black rat crawled up her chest and bit into her skin. She groaned in pain and flung the rat to the other side of the room.  
  
"Helga." Arnold's soft voice came from the other side of the closed door. She quickly jumped from the bed and ran to the door. Terrified, she flung it open and was greeted by a huge blast of blue smoke. She coughed the smoke from her lungs and saw Arnold standing in front of her. Suddenly he began to walk backwards and his eyes went blank. "Follow me, Helga."  
  
She had to run to keep up with his floating body. "Arnold, where are we going?" She cried out as she ran down the stairs and out of the boarding house. She gasped as the door flung open and Arnold floated outside. She cried out as the door started closing and dove for the street. Just as her foot got outside the doorway, the door slammed. She groaned as she picked herself up from the hard gravel.  
  
"Do not worry about where we are going. Just follow me." Arnold whispered as his eyes began to flicker to being unconscious and then conscious again. Helga cried out as thunder clapped in the sky again. She looked towards Arnold and saw him walking away from her. She began to run after him. Lightning struck the streetlamps as she ran past them in an attempt to get to Arnold. She cried out as another bolt of lightning struck the ground in front of her and red mist began to float in, impairing her vision. Soon she couldn't see anything and had to cover her mouth with her dress to keep from coughing. "Hurry, Helga." She heard Arnold's voice call out through the smoke. She narrowed her eyes and ran towards the voice. Soon the mist cleared and Helga saw him, being held up on a huge white cross by ropes along his wrists, neck, stomach and ankles. He was wearing a black cloak and turban. She quickly ran towards a set of stairs leading up to him and gasped at the shadow at the top of the stairs. Determined to rescue her beloved, she gathered up all her courage and began to run up the stairs, past clocks ticking backwards, hourglasses running backwards, and sundials. More than once, she lost her footing and had to grab onto the stairs to help pull herself up. She grunted as she finally reached the top. Sweat ran down her neck as she came face to face with the shadow. In his hand he held a huge blade dripping with blood. He cackled hard and pulled off his mask to reveal Harold. His big eyes narrowed as the cackle turned to a full out murderous laugh. Helga's eyes filled with fear and hatred as more thunderclaps erupted in the sky. She gasped as a thunderbolt hit her and collapsed the stairs under her, causing her to fall towards a huge crystal shard sticking out of a cloud of black mist. She screamed as the shard cracked into thousands of pieces and sliced up her entire body.  
  
She shook her head and moaned in pain as she woke up in a shadowed room. A shadow approached her and held out a hand. "Arnold?" She asked. Arnold's face became visible by a single strand of light. His face held no concern and his eyes were blank.  
  
"Take my hand." She heard him whisper. Slowly she reached her own bloody hand out and gasped at the sight of it. Pain filled her whole body as she began to shake violently. Arnold's hand suddenly reclined and his face turned to pure hatred. "Wake up." He cried out. Helga felt a blow to her face and thunder clapped again, illuminating the area. "WAKE UP!" He shouted.  
  
Helga screamed out loud and finally opened her eyes as rain began to fall. Her breath was ragged and her voice trembled. Finally after what seemed like forever her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the night and the shadowed football shaped head that was hovering inches above her own. Her ears popped and she heard Arnold's voice calling her name and calling Mr. Simmons over. Her sense of touch returned and she felt her entire body was cold and wet from the downpour of rain. "Helga, wake up." Arnold's concerned voice called out to her. Her eyes blinked suddenly and tears rolled out of them, mixing with the rain already on her face. She gasped out loud and suddenly flung herself into Arnold's arms. Her whole body was shaking and cold while his was warm and inviting.  
  
"What happened?" She asked, her voice shaking with tears. Arnold smiled and wrapped his arms around her tightly.  
  
"You ran away after I found out you loved me and it started to rain. I convinced Mr. Simmons to let all of us look for you. The last we saw was you were running towards Dr. Bliss's office. Then a bolt of lightning struck that area and we followed you. We've been looking for you all day." Helga smiled gently and suddenly collapsed in Arnold's arms. "Helga?" Arnold asked, shaking her gently. He quickly checked her pulse as the other kids arrived and determined it was really weak. "We need to get her to a hospital! Fast!" He cried. Mr. Simmons picked her up and placed her gently in his car, ordering Arnold to get in the passenger seat while Phoebe and Gerald got in the back seat with Helga.  
  
Arnold nervously paced the hospital floor as he waited impatiently for the doctor to come out of the emergency room. He held back a sob as he remembered how badly he had treated her. He never hated her and he did consider her a friend, but with the recent experiences, he felt something else for her. He didn't ever want her to leave him. She was one of those people who hid everything she felt just so she wouldn't get hurt. He knew that now and he had realized he didn't just like her, he liked her liked her. He shook away the tears and his heart began to race faster as the doctor pushed open the double doors.  
  
"Follow me." He said to Arnold, Gerald, Phoebe and Mr. Simmons. The four followed him to a white hallway. At the end of the hallway was a closed door next to a huge one-way window. Arnold gasped as he saw. Helga's body was attached to wires and tubes and three nurses were monitoring her breathing. Another nurse was checking the tubes coming out of her nose and wrists. A tear ran down Arnold's cheek as he watched her breathing.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" Mr. Simmons asked the doctor. The doctor took off his glasses and sighed heavily.  
  
"You said she was found after about seven hours of being in the rain. We have reason to believe that she has pneumonia." Mr. Simmons gasped and Arnold spun around to face the doctor. The doctor lowered his head. "There's a very strong chance she wont make it through the night." Arnold gasped and shook his head. His fists clenched by his sides as the tears came faster than ever. He spun around and ran up to the window.  
  
"Helga!" He cried out, pounding on the glass. Gerald and Phoebe quickly rushed to his side and tried to pry him from the window. He pushed Gerald and Phoebe away from him and began to pound harder than ever. "Helga, don't you dare die! You have your whole life to live yet! You haven't even gotten out of elementary school yet! You can't die and leave all of us! You can't leave me!" He screamed, his voice rising to a deafening level. "Helga, you can't leave me!" Suddenly his voice dropped to a gentle whisper as he lowered his fist. "I-I love you, Helga." He whispered to the floor.  
  
"Arnold, help me." A voice rang gently in his ear, almost like Helga was communicating to him through her subconscious. Arnold's head snapped up and the tears began to form in his eyes again. He quickly dashed into the room and grabbed her hand in his.  
  
"Helga, listen to me." He coached gently. "You need to pull through this and get back to your regular life. You need to wake up. I love you, Helga. I'd rather die than live my life without you. Please wake up. Please don't leave me." He whispered. Suddenly Helga's hand enclosed tightly around his and her eyes fluttered open. Arnold stared into her eyes gently and smiled.  
  
Arnold smiled as he walked up towards Helga's house. It had been a week since she was able to go home from the hospital. The doctors said she was a miracle waiting to happen since only about five percent ever survived from pneumonia. However, he wasn't ready for the huge surprise that awaited him behind the closed door.  
  
"Good morning, Mrs. Pataki." Arnold greeted cheerfully. He stopped abruptly when he saw a tear trickle down her cheek. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Helga wants to see you." Miriam said gently. Arnold nodded and walked upstairs to Helga's room. His heart began to race as he saw Olga walk out of Helga's room in tears. Arnold quickly rushed into her room and saw her in bed, coughing up a storm. She looked at him with happy eyes.  
  
"Helga, what's wrong?" He asked, sitting on the side of her bed.  
  
"I have something very important to tell you." She whispered. Arnold nodded and held her hand tightly. "The pneumonia, it, uh…" She coughed harshly again. "It evolved into cancer." Arnold gasped and tightened his grip on her hand. "I'm going to die sometime before my sixteenth birthday."  
  
"No!" Arnold cried standing up. Helga looked at him and pulled him down. He sat down again and shook his head. "Helga, you can't die. I can't live without you." Helga smiled and released his hand.  
  
"Arnold, as long as I'm here," she pointed to his forehead, "and here," she pointed to his chest, "I'll never really leave you. I'll always love you, football head." She chuckled and hugged him. Arnold felt a tear roll down his cheek and towards his mouth. He buried his face in her shoulder.  
  
It was ten days before Helga's sixteenth birthday when they had the funeral. Everyone that ever had anything to do with Helga was there. Arnold gave a speech saying how much he cared about her and how much she really went through.  
  
On her birthday, Arnold went to her grave and set a white lily down. Tears raced down his cheeks as he wiped them with his sleeve. "Arnold, don't cry." Helga's voice rang in his ears. He looked up and saw a very pale version of her sitting on her gravestone.  
  
"Helga?" He asked, astonished. She chuckled and stood up, gracefully walking towards him. Over the years she had become a very beautiful figure. Her body had filled out and she allowed her hair to be grown out. Now it was swaying gently as if a slight breeze was blowing it even though there was no wind. Arnold sighed gently and smiled at her.  
  
"As long as I'm here," she smiled gently and pointed to his head. Arnold nodded and took her hand in his and brought it to his chest. "And here, I'll never really leave you." Arnold chuckled. Helga laughed right along with him and gently brought her lips to his. "Thanks for the flower." She said. He looked down at the grave and gasped. The flower that was once a pure white was now dead and wilted.  
  
"Helga, it's not beautiful anymore. It's dead." He answered and looked up at her. In her hand she held a perfect version of the dead flower.  
  
"It will always be beautiful." She said. "I love you, football head. Don't forget me." She whispered. He shook his head and picked up the wilted flower. The aroma filled his nose and he smiled.  
  
"I could never forget you. You'll always be alive in my mind and in my heart." He said and watched as her body faded away. Suddenly the wind picked up and blew a stream of flower petals around him and into the clouds above and he knew, for the first time in her life, Helga was at peace.  
  
AN: Oh my God. I'm actually crying and I wrote the stupid thing. Okay, if you want to know, this is what happened. Helga admitted to Arnold and he told her he couldn't love someone who he thought hated him and so Helga ran away. She got hit by lightning and passed out. This is where the first dream starts. She dreams she goes to Dr. Bliss's office and then gets partnered up with Arnold. While she's at Arnold's house sleeping over she has a nightmare. This time she wakes up and she's actually really awake. It's still raining and she faints. The gang rushes her to the hospital and the doctor diagnoses her with pneumonia. Now I know this is a real thing, but I don't like health or science so I couldn't care less about the symptoms. Anyway, I'm not sure if it can (I don't think it can), but the pneumonia turns into cancer and she dies sometime before her sweet sixteenth. On her birthday Arnold goes to the cemetery and puts a lily on her grave. She appears in ghost form and they chat. She basically takes the soul of the lily and leaves the body to wither away. I don't know if that's symbolism but I like how it sounds. Anyway, that's the basic rundown. E-mail me if you liked the story. My e-mail is kitkatkidd01@cs.com. Oh, and please review on Fanfiction.net. I like getting reviews. 


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